Make a booking for Criminali-Tea

Search Saturday from 2pm

Pssst…. Want to come and visit the apartment? Make a top-secret booking here!

Uncle Barts invites up to 15 dapper chaps and dazzling dolls for each Criminali-Tea booking, if you want to book for a gang of 15 associates or more, then please send a coded message to or call the hotline on 020 7581 3355.

Uncle Barts caters for all vegetarian, vegan and gluten-free requirements – just call our shady associates 2 days prior to your visit to let us know!

Our shady associates look forward to hearing from you. But remember – you ain’t seen or heard nothing! Capiche?