Table Bookings

Pssst…. Want to come and visit the apartment? Make a top secret booking here! Uncle Barts invites up to 30 dapper chaps and dazzling dolls for each booking. If you’re looking for a private shindig, you can sneak up to 80 confidantes into the apartment.If you’d like to make a booking on Thursday, Friday and Saturday evenings after 7.30pm, or want to book for a gang of 15 associates or more, then please send a coded message to or call the hotline on 020 7581 3355.

Our shady associates look forward to hearing from you. But remember – you ain’t seen or heard nothing! Capiche?